I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
