Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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