My cat gives me a boner
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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