This girl is more easily done than said...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
