Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
