My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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