I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
