hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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