New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
His nipple licking is glorious
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