the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize