Cold hands, warm shart.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
