I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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