come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
