I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
