I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
