so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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