Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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