i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
