So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
