you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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