so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
