he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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