idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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