My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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