i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
