I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
