she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
