We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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