He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
