Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i will never coherently bang her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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