in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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