The maid of honor just puked.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have peed in a lot of sinks
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
