is this the sara with the beer cane?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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