11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
