just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
