I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you would pick up someone in the library
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
