it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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