Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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