too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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