I want to make a zoo with you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
