Will you blow on my dice?
i think my tv is drunk
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
