This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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