We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
