i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
