y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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