i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
