Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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