You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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