your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
