before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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