THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
