I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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