in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
