pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
