just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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