No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
