I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
