the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
