I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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