Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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