that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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