I could make wine with my vomit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
