he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
