Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
