From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
