East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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