just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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