remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
