This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
