it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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