is your mom at the bar?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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