thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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