Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
