i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
