I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
