So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You left your phone here
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