I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
