i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
