Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
