is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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