So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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