GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
