He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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