he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
